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How to deal with a relationship argument
Every relationship, like fingerprints, is unique. But the one thing pretty much every single relationship as in common is arguments. We all have them. The amount of time a couple stays with eachother for is how well the couple pick themselves up after every argument. Here’s a step by step guide of how to deal with arguments properly, you never know, it may benefit your relationship more than you think!
- Look below the argument – Think about what you are arguing about. Money, kids, late nights blah blah. But is that REALLY the reason why you’re arguing. Most commonly, petty squabbles between partners are an excuse to get anger out from a much more significant reason. Perhaps one person is angry at the other for a past mistake or recent bad choice. However these angry feelings could even go as far as a bad childhood or past relationship and the person has never expressed their feelings fully. This isn’t always the case, but whatever the reason, try and think about what the argument is really about. It could stop many more in the future.
- Express your true feelings in one sentence – Once you’ve figured out what the argument is about, tell him exactly how you feel in one sentence so you cut to the chase quickly and can get the problem resolved as quickly as possible. An example of a sentence could be : ‘I get upset when you talk to other women’ or ‘I’m worried because I don’t think I can pay for that right now’.
- Try and apologise – Sometimes you may feel like you’ve done nothing wrong, but even if you didn’t ‘start it’ then apologising may be a way to diisarm your partner. You don’t necessarily have to apologise for something you’ve been wrongly accused for, just something along the lines of ‘I don’t want to argue with you, and I’m sorry that this argument has got out of hand. Can we take a minute to calm down and then talk about this relaxingy and less agressively?’ This may spur your partner on to perhaps apologise for his involvement in the argument and then you’ll be on the way to resolving the problem.
- Sit down and talk about it – Not by screaming or accusing at eachother. Just like adults, but make sure you give both yourself and your partner time to simmer down and think about the argument and the feelings that it’s brought. Give eachother 5 minutes to give their side of the story, without interuptions and then the other partner may speak. This is a rational way of talking through the problem without another argument.
- Learn from an argument – If you feel like you’ve had the argument before, or seem to be arguing about the same things frequently then there is obviously some learning that needs to take place. Think about the reason for all the arguments and resolve it as fuss free as possible.
- Ditch the ‘I’m always right’ attitude – If you get like this in an argument, it’s basically a one way ticket to argument city. Ditch the idea of being right, even if you know you are and consider leaving the argument there and simmering down before talking about it. Try this old saying for a bit of inspiration:
‘Would you rather be right, or happy?’